Creating a powerfully-branded product is hard, and more often than not, the success of a certain product is followed by a tide of poorly-designed, copy-cat products literally rushed onto the market and resembling something designed by someone’s perpetually high, video game-playing, jobless younger brother.

Now, we understand young Jimmy needs to make an extra buck so he can afford to go see his twelfth consecutive showing of Hellboy II, but from a product design perspective, well, now don’t take this the wrong way, but, honestly, you need to die, Jimmy.
Ok, maybe that’s a little harsh. Maybe we should just point out some no no’s in the branding/ -product design world, instead. If we do that, hopefully, hopefully, just one, one, of the young Jimmy’s in the world will stop designing products while simultaneously eating a frozen burrito and playing World of Warcraft at 3am.

A perfect product example that must have been designed by Jimmy after a fourth bong hit is Rize, one of the many brain-less alcohol- infused energy drinks that jumped into the energy drink market after Sparks, like a little kid sister wielding arm floaties running after you into the pool, screaming “Me too, I do it too!”

Let’s analyze the product design.

Ok, problem number 1: You wouldn’t be able to recognize it in a line-up of five cans. The black and red color palette is identical to other energy drinks: No Fear, Pit Bull, SoBe, Vamp NRG, and Transphusion.

Problem number 2: You can’t read the name. It’s lost in the image of a city skyline, with a steeple forming the I, or is it an A? So the product could easily have two names. Not so good for spreading a buzz about your product, especially if spreading a buzz is literally your bread and butter.

Problem 3: Ok, I know it’s a stretch, a big one at that, but say someone actually likes this drink, and wants to read more about the brand. Shouldn’t you have a website??? Yeah, it’s just a little something we here at jungle[8] noticed, but usually successful brands have websites. It’s just a little something that enables, oh, I don’t know, brand awareness, and oh, maybe a market for your product?

Problem number 4: Usually people want to know what they’re putting in their bodies, and that’s enabled by a little thing put on food and beverage products called “Nutrition Facts”. Yeah, Rize, you might want to consider slapping one of them bad boys on your can.

Problem 5: The Manufacturer named on the can, Heileman Brewing Co, no longer exists. If a company was bought out and absorbed over ten years ago, it might not be a good idea to name it on your product.

Ok, sorry Jimmy, we might have been a little tough on you. But sometimes we can’t help but respond to a bad product when it’s so good at being gloriously bad. Next time, instead of creating the hundred and ninth addition to an already-crowded market, how about investing the energy in an area that’s useful? Think a little before you make/design/manufacture. It’s called conscious design.

Otherwise, everyone’s just going to keep running, and you’re going to be left in your arm floaties, alone in the kiddie pool.